20 years. Wow.

The year is 1989. I am 15 almost 16, in my Junior year of high school. The first day of school is always nerve wracking, and this is no different. Where will my classes be? Will my friends be in them? 4th period is US History with Mr. Connolly. Blech. Always hated History. I walk in, pick a seat and look around....He walks in...2 yrs older...I've had a crush for almost 3 yrs but I have a boyfriend. He picks the seat next to me and smiles...Seth..*sigh*.

We shared the class for a couple of months and I had a terrible break-up with my boyfriend. It was a kid relationship, and the end was typical. After a few days Seth leaned over and asked me out. Whoa..Umm yes?

Friday night we went out. He was sweet. He asked to hold my hand. The rest is history..

Prom 1990



Seth drove a gorgeous 69' Chevy Chevelle SS with a 427 big block- I learned to drive on it

I got a rose and a love note every Saturday for years



We didnt have much, but it never mattered

Having Abby changed everything. We were 18 & 21.

Proud dad

We said 'I do' 1/2/1993

 

We welcomed Logan in 95'

 



I have so many 'firsts', so many milestones, so many memories with Seth. Prom, driving, first car, first real job, weddings, deaths, births. I have had his last name longer than I had my maiden name. 20 years. I still can't even believe it when I say it out loud. 20. years.

I'm often asked what our secret is, and I really just think we can't live without each other. It hasn't always been a fairytale, believe me, there have been some rough parts, but if I was struggling, he wouldn't give up on me, if he was - I gave him the same effort. Space to grow, respect, and effort. I think that's about it.

Obviously being 15 and 17 when we started our relationship, we've grown into completely different people now. I think that's been an important part, letting each other explore life, change what needed to be changed, mature, grow. I think for some people it can be scary to see a spouse change, but when you get together so young it has to happen.

Forgiveness. Another key part. We all screw up, its going to happen. Nobody is perfect. We say things we don't mean, we hurt each other. You have to be willing to let it go, not hold a grudge. Say sorry and mean it, and forgive and mean it. This has been the hardest part to master, but I think we've got it down...we try to learn from mistakes and don't repeat them.

I would like to thank my husband for being there for me, at times when I didn't want to be there for myself. Caring about my problems when he probably didn't want to deal with them. Helping me grow into an independent survivor, a loving mother and a strong woman. Letting me spread my wings and fly, but always come back to the nest. Keeping me grounded, when my head was in the clouds and my eyes were full of stars. Making me see whats important, and what to kick aside. Teaching me about true love, and genuine commitment to each other, to our children and to myself. Thank you for being you, and doing all you do for me. I couldn't do this without you, and I wouldn't want to. Thank you for a wonderful 20 yrs, and hopefully many, many more.

Our 2013 wishes

For 2013 I wish for a new car, a winning lottery ticket and a trip to a tropical island, and they don't have to be in that order- hey, I'm not greedy.

Okay, so if you are reading this blog, you know me better than this, but it is fun to be selfish sometimes! My real wish for 2013 is pretty run of the mill and boring. Health, happiness and love to all of those in my life that matter to me, and even to those who don't because I think everyone should have those 3 things, even the rotten people.

Sometimes these 3 things can be difficult to come by. I can't offer much advice on health or your love life, but the happiness thing, I have a little method for, and Logan is the key to my secret. Not him per say, but how he lives his life.

Logan is our favorite happy-go-lucky honeynugget. This is a kid who has every reason to complain. He could dwell on the struggles he faces. He could be frustrated, angry, lashing out and being miserable- but he's not. He is happy with very simple things, and I love that about him. Oh, he loves the next new thing and has video games, a laptop and a cell phone, but his stuffed ponies make him happier. The ponies he won out of a grab machine for .50 a try, and sews up when they rip at the seams.

I try to find my 'pony' in each day. Some days its harder than others, but it's usually there somewhere.. you have to want to find it. My wish for myself and for you is that you find your pony each day. Cowboy up and live your life!

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And now, the wishes from your favorite pages/bloggers. Thanks to everyone who contributed! And apologies to those who did not get the memo, holiday time is hectic! These are posted in the order in which they were received. I'm SURE there are some of your favorites here!
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I Want a Dumpster Baby &  blog

My wish is for happy healthy babies. And a little bit of sanity. ;) that's about it.

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It's Cool To Be OCD &  blog

First things first, thanks The Crumb Diaries for this opportunity! I'm just a baby blogger with a nonsense facebook page and a sick sense of humor, but deep down I'm just a husband, a dad, and a friend.

I've never been a huge present person, even as a kid. Oh, sure. I wanted a Red Ryder Range Model BB gun just like every little "Ralphy" out there, but my lists were never long or extravagant. So sticking with tradition, I'm only asking for two things this year and I'm balancing funny with sensitive/warm and fuzzy:

#1. A bidet. Yes, that's right, a porcelain throne that shoots warm water at your dirty bung hole. It seems so gross to me to be "dirty" all day after taking a dreaded duecey AFTER a shower. With a bidet, everyday is a "Shit before shower day", and any day a shower postscripts a poop is a good day.

#2. I want to see my kids' eyes sparkle with the belief in Santa Clause. Say what you will about the Pagan holiday, idol worship, Jesus is the reason for the season, and all that other mumbo jumbo. Santa Clause is one of the few things, if not the only thing, that requires nothing of you, but being good, to get something in return. No tenth of your income, no fees to keep your membership current, nothing...just be good. I can't wait to see my kids open the gifts that Santa brought for them. Santa exists to our children as gifts, but Santa exists to me as the excitement in the air, growing stronger with each day as Christmas approaches. Santa exists to me in the handmade gifts and the gifts bought for other people that my children have saved for all year. Santa exists to me in the spirits of my children and one of my jobs as a parent is to literally BE SANTA! How awesome is that?!

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The Bitchy Housewife

When Crumb asked me what my wishes were for 2013, my first instinct was to scream "A BOOB JOB!!" Or Channing Tatum naked in my red room. Wait, what? Nevermind that one. I do wish for those things, and for other shit, like for Target to stop pumping brain-washing fumes into the air so I stop spending my mortgage money on crap I will never need, or for my husband to quit farting in bed and giving me dutch ovens. But if I could rub that ugly garage sale lamp my MIL gave me for Christmas last year and have the genie from Aladdin pop out, I'd ask for my daughters to be able to grow up. Hopefully into confident, funny, and happy women, but mostly just to be able to have the chance to grow up one day. And for them to love me enough to ship my old ass off to a good retirement home with hot male nurses to sponge bathe me.

Happy 2013, Bitches!!

-The Bitchy Housewife

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Insane In The Mom-Brain &  blog

Allyson asked me to write a little blurb about what I want for Christmas. That particular question was a question that I had to contemplate for approximately no seconds at all. As a matter of fact, any time anyone starts to ask me any question, I quickly shout out the dream gift that I want. Even if it doesn't make sense. You know, just in case the person asking happens to be a secret Genie disguised as a real person. Which, if you ask me, would be a totally waste of the whole awesomeness of being a Genie. Genie's get to wear Hammer pants and vests with no shirt on underneath. I mean seriously, people. Why the heck would you disguise that? Wait. Where was I? Oh yeah. I'm supposed to be telling you what I want for Christmas. The answer to that question is DUH...Jetpack. Yes. Jetpack.

A Jetpack is a pack of Jetishness that can be strapped onto your back to give you the gift of flight. What's super awesome about a jetpack is that you can just be strolling around, going about your everyday business, and perhaps you walk past a high fence and you wonder "Hey, what's on the other side of that high fence?" so you push a button and ZOOM you're flying over the fence. And from that point on, lots of things could happen. You could see an illegal puppy mill and you could save all the puppies and become a puppy hero. Or you could see a meth lab and call the cops and save the streets from drugs. Or there could be a hot guy over there and you can zoom down and make out with him briefly, then zoom away when you got sick of him, and he'd be telling all his friends he made out with an angel. Or an astronaut. Or an alien. Cuz hot guys are often stupid and they don't understand things like Physics and Jetpack Science. You could also Jetpack up and look in the windows of tall buildings. You could even turn off the pack for a few seconds so that it looks to the people in the building like you are falling, so they all freak out, then you turn it back on and be like"It was a joke! I got a mother-effing backpack. you guys!" and they'll all be jealous of your awesomosity. As they should. So really, this gift is a twofer. Not only do you get a badass Jetpack, but you also get to make people jealous. Best. Gift. Ever.

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Fodder 4 Fathers & website

"My first wish for 2013 is sleep. With a newborn at home who is rather feisty, I think that's a fair wish. Well, maybe I should just wish for him to sleep? But, either way, sleep is my first wish. My second wish would be for my kids to be happy and healthy. That's always my biggest concern. Thirdly, I'd like the new Superman movie not to suck. I don't think that's too much to ask? Is it? ;-)"

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DeBie Hive & blog

My wishes for 2013
I wish for some answers for my son. The doctors think he might be trending towards Type 1 Diabetes, and living in this unknown state is stressful. If he is diagnosed, I wish for the strength to face this challenge, and I wish for him as normal a childhood as we can give him.
I wish for peace for my mother.
I wish for the motivation to write the books that exist only in my head.
I wish for clarity and healing in my life.
I wish for grace to weather the storms that life throws at me.
I wish for laughter to carry us through the dark times.
I wish for friends to surround us with joy.
I wish for health and happiness for my children.
I wish for a second chance.
xo

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Dadmissions & blog & Huffington Post

When I think about 2013 and my hopes for the New Year, I quickly come to the conclusion that anything I want pretty much fits into one of two columns: more or less.  Yes it's that simple.  I want more of some things and less of some others. 

So here goes nothing:

More:
I want more family time, more time with my kids, more time with my wife.

Less:
I want less overtime at work, less TV dinners with the family, less over-scheduling.

More:

I want more peace, more harmony, more sibling love between the kids in my house.

Less:

I want less fighting, less yelling, less ruthless non-sharing of things between those kids.

More:

I want more money for saving, more money for spending, more money for donating.

Less:

I want less bills.  Pretty please.  Pretty pretty please.  With sugar on top.

More:

I want more troops coming home and more soldiers recognized for their service.

Less:

I want less school shootings, less senseless crime, and less needless funerals.

More:

I want more funding for education, more teachers, and more art in schools.

Less:

I want less potholes, less parking red-zones, and less toll roads.  Seriously.

More:

I want more George Clooney and Johnny Depp looks.

Less:

I want less people judging me because I'm so beautiful.

 Clearly I need more medicine to handle some of my beauty delusions :)

That's my list... More or Less... In a nutshell.

Happy New Year from Dadmissions.

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Penella Mellor "Not a Good Grown Up"


My wish for 2013 would be to make it across the pond to the U S of A, and maybe do a stand up gig while I am over there ... or maybe just eat a lot of cake and come home <3

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 The Klonopin Chronicles & blog

Really Keen on 2013

I am excited about the coming year. There are lots of possibilities, new beginnings, steps forward. Anticipation with a side of dread, the first day of school with a new notebook and a Brady Bunch lunchbox. Off we go into the great unknown.

I wish peace and harmony for my elder daughter. I hope she resumes her life's journey of self-discovery. Right now she has stopped traveling. I'm not happy with the place she's landed. My fervent wish for her is that she realize she needs to keep going. I also wish for the strength to detach with love and accept it if she stays stuck where she it. This is work she needs to do is her own, and I cannot do it for her. I wish for the wisdom to understand and remember that. Plus Lord, please let her move out soon so I can rip out the carpet and paint her room a lovely shade of pale yellow.

In 2013, my wish for my husband is that he hit bottom. Whatever it's going to take to for him to get the message. Another hospitalization? Bring it, Lord. Make it a doozy. Make it a bitchslap stunner. ICU and necrotizing tissue and surgery. Goddamn it. But dear Lord, please let him go to the hospital with the decent cafeteria and valet visitor parking. Because it's his bottom, not mine. And if there's time, I can stop at the nail place on the way home.

I wish I were the kind of person who could wish peace and harmony for the world and not have it sound like sappy-ass horseshit. But let's be honest, I really am a selfish bitch who wishes peace and harmony for all these other people simply because it will be the way I get peace and harmony for myself. Which at this point, the only thing I truly do wish for. Namaste and all that good noise. <drops mic>

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Holdin' Holden & blog

tadaaaaaaaa!

"What do I wish for the year 2013?" Let's see...

I wish that the petri dish that is my Eldest's kindergarten class would spare him, thereby sparing the rest of us. I have grown far too accustomed to yacking my own snot. There's nothing good about that.
I wish that on weekends when none of us have to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn to go anywhere, that we wouldn't have to be woken up by my 3 year old trying to smother us with his funky-head sweat smelling pillow. Or even just to sleep until 8am. I don't think that's asking for too much, is it?
I wish that magically I would understand why and where to use semi-colons without having to run to the Google. I also compound that wish with the wish that I not get so super-sporky upon having to run to the Google for the answers to all of my ridiculous questions.

Oh, and I also wish that my toenails would paint themselves, and that Reese's would magically become fat and calorie free so that I could stuff my face with them on a daily basis.

Of course, if we want to get serious for a moment- of course I also wish for the health and happiness of my family and of all other families. For acceptance and understanding beyond just tolerance of those we may not understand- and that people would stop being total a-holes to those that might be deemed as "different" from their own beliefs or feelings.

And world peace. Always gotta wish for world peace."

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SooperDad Blog of Awesomeness & blog

There are many things that Soop wants to wish for in the upcoming year, but the thing I wish for the most is that the universe FINALLY deals with how awesome I am. Coming to grips that there is one true great awesome individual can be a daunting task, but one that needs to be achieved. Because the universe cannot deal with my overabundance of awesomeness, it put security measures in place. The Mayans. Nostradamus. The Wiggles. All of these people are to put humanity back in check, so that they may not all be in awe of my awesomeness at the same time.

Oh yeah, and peace on earth, goodwill towards men, and all that other shit too.

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What I Really Meant to Say & blog

Oh gosh. What do I wish? It's probably an impossible wish....but Imma shoot for the dang stars. I wish for health and happiness for my family and friends. I would like just one year where my family and friends experience no heartache, no financial crisis and no health problems. Just one year of pure happiness. One year. But in the event that a whole year isn't possible...I would love to see them experience something that gives them an unforgettable, happy memory. Something that everytime they think of it, they smile, which causes them to experience that happiness that I so want for them all. (oh .....and I wish to win the lottery.....what....you thought I wouldn't be selfish? Phhhsh.)

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Adventures of NinjaMama & blog

 My wishes for 2013 are:
1. That my children, family, and friends are healthy, joyful, and prosperous.
2. That I continue to enjoy and build upon the camaraderie I've been blessed to find this year.
3. That I continue to fulfill my passion.
4. That I will be able to help others find their passion and the courage they need to pursue it

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Homestyle Mama (with a side of Autism) & blog

For Thing1, I want him to be happy on his own. To understand that relationships are nice and can be fulfilling, but that true happiness begins with himself. Loving yourself is not narcissistic in the least little bit, how can you expect someone else to love you if you don't love yourself? To love yourself, you need to know yourself, you need to know yourself before you can show others who you are or who you want to be, the only way to do this is to explore your world alone.

I want Thing2 to be happy with someone else. He's taken his time and used the majority of his teenage years learning who he is, what he stands for and what he wants in life. Now it's time for him to learn about loving someone else. He has an amazing girlfriend and they have a very affectionate relationship that is based solidly on friendship. This year, I would like for him to find the balance in loving himself, loving his girl, his friends and family.

I want Walter to understand the meaning of family loyalty, to know what it's like to thrive in a tight circle of brothers who have each other's backs no matter what. To know that no matter what mistakes he makes, someone loves him unconditionally. I want him to understand that the family ties teach you about acceptance, respect, and friendship and friendship is the foundation for love. I want him to understand what it really means to love another person before he decides he wants to date.

I want for Alex to be himself, to do what he needs to do to be OK in the world and for me to be OK with it. I want him to laugh and love and be flaptastically happy and if he were to choose to potty train this year, I would totally be OK with that.

Goofy- I just want this kid to graduate Kindergarten and keep his hands to himself in school, at least. maybe even follow a few directions. finish some work. The rest will take care of itself. and if he would stop sticking Lego's in his mouth, well, I'd be OK with that, too.

I want my husband to know that I love him and to do everything in my power to make sure he never has a doubt.
 

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You Know It Happens at Your House Too & blog

My wishes for 2013? Let's see...A very private interview with my Johnny. Purchasing my own vineyard and winery. Writing a best selling book. A very quaint, intimate dinner with my Johnny. Continue my quest for world domination. <wakes up from my dream>

What I truly wish for, my friends, is for others to be able to form the kinds of relationships that I have been fortunate enough to form and grow with so many beautiful people this past year. Relationships that would have never existed if not for my love of writing. I wish for those of us with caring and loving hearts of overpower those with hearts blackened from hate. I wish for 2013 to be the best year yet for all us. Together, I don't see how this can't happen. xoxo

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Daddy doin' work & blog

THE MAIN THINGS FOR 2013
The main things to me are simple:

LOVE MY FAMILY: There is a lot more to this than it looks. Loving my family isn’t just about being a good dad and a supportive husband. It means staying away from fast food so I don’t encounter any health problems. It means working out regularly for the same reasons. It means making sound choices in all aspects of my life. It means putting them first…always. Luckily that’s never been a problem for me and I will continue this trend in 2013.

SEARCH FOR WAYS TO IMPROVE: Newsflash – I’m far away from perfect. Hell, I still haven’t located the highway to perfection yet. However, that’s not going to stop me from chasing continuous improvement. Everyday in 2013 I plan to do whatever it takes to be a better father, a better husband, a better friend, a better son, and a better brother, and a better writer.

BE ME: Here’s another newsflash – everyone isn’t going to like me, and everyone isn’t going to like you. That’s OK. As Bill Cosby once said, “I don’t know the secret to success, but I know that the secret to failure is trying to please everyone.” I’ve learned that if people dislike me due to something I did wrong, I have to own it immediately and apologize. If they forgive me, great. If they don’t forgive me, that’s great too because at least I know where they stand, and I can move on without looking back. I’m a passionate dude and passion comes out in interesting ways sometimes. It’s all a part of who I am, and I accept it.

ADD VALUE TO OTHERS: That’s why God put me here. I’m happiest when I’m adding value to other people. Smiling at strangers, making people laugh with a blog post, surprising my wife with flowers for no reason, taking my daughter to the zoo to witness the wonderment in her eyes, or speaking to the supervisor of a customer service representative who provides excellent care. Making others happy makes me happy.

So, how am I going to do all of this?

It’s quite simple, really.

I will remember that the main thing is to always keep the main things as the main thing.
Meaning, I will ignore the noise and remain focused on the people and things that are important to me. I’ve made a “commitment” to do this. I hope when it’s time to make your goals for 2013, you’ll do the same. Commitments are stronger than choices, and they’re stronger than decisions. You follow through on commitments even when that shit is hard. You follow through on commitments to your spouse, your kids, your faith, and your job – so why not follow through on the commitment to yourself?

I know I will.

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Mommy Drinks Because You Cry & blog

My wish for 2013. This was hard. For reals. I know without a doubt that I should say something deep like an end to senseless violence, or world peace, etc. (and I do want all of those things, trust me). My wish is really simple, though. I wish for another year. That's it. Another year with every member of my family here. Another year of innocence for my children. Another year of excitement over things that soon enough will bring out groans and great sighs of exasperation (for example school, pictures with the Easter Bunny/Santa, cuddling in my lap in the morning). Another year of Daddy Drinks and I still not only loving each other, but actually liking each other as well. I'm not going to wish for nothing bad to happen, because without the bad we would not truly appreciate the awesome (although it'd be pretty great if nothing *really* bad happened). So, here's to 2013. *raises glass*

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Story of a Girl & blog

My wishes for 2013 are a tiny bit selfish, but they are mine nonetheless. I wish for more time. My first one is my biggest wish of them all. I know there are so many people out there who truly need the time and surely need it more than I do BUT I still wish for it every single night. I want more quality time with my kids, my husband, and even a little more time for myself. I would love to take my wish and use it to rediscover who my kids are, who my husband is and who I am.

Wish number two is for forgiveness. I hope that people can offer it to me for my past mistakes, and I hope I can give it to those who need it from me.

Wish number 3 is for laughter. I love to laugh and I love to hear it but for the last couple of years it was missing, not completely but it was still a noticeable amount. It has started creeping its way back into my life but I would love for it to just flood our home in full force!! The sound of laughter and the feeling of "happy" brings an unexplainable feeling of peace over me. It is so calming.

Those are my wishes for this year

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Grape Jelly on Pizza & blog

Grape Jelly on Pizza wishes people would show more compassion towards others, be there for each other and not to place judgement on others. It's as simple as that.

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Daddy Knows Less & blog

 

I made a New Year's resolution last year, and didn't keep it. So now I'm going through a period of self-loathing, which is perfect for the holidays. So instead of a resolution, I like your idea of "wishes for 2013." I wish to use better language. To speak nicer. I want to go back to the time when I was ever so conscious of everything I said around Peanut. Now I hear my snark coming out of her mouth. Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes it's not. I also wish to be better at apologizing, and at actually being sorry. This is my Achilles Heel. Just ask My Director.

All that being said, I intend on being more of myself in 2013. That is, more of myself in my writing. That may sound like a contradiction, but if I can improve my language and use my words better, my writing will be better. I often felt I didn't write for me, as me, a lot in 2012. I intend to change that this year and hope my writing friends and readers hold me to it

 

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Find My Eyes & blog

 

 

I was asked to (or have the honor to) blog about what I want in 2013. I was given the freedom to write about anything I wanted... funny, long, short, serious, autism related,whatever. So, I farted around for a couple of days not getting anything done really, stressing myself out not getting my assignment done when it hit me...

Acceptance.

2012 has been a wild ride for the boy. We watched our first "major" regression in Jack's progress, and it scared the shit out of us. It lead us to one of those "put up or shut up" points with the school. And he put up. Things have been going better and better every day. We're not popping the champagne yet, as we want to make sure he gets through the transition after winter break, but it's looking great. We're spending the entire day in class now. We're completing assignments and instruction within the allotted time. We're performing at general ed levels... even excelling at times.

Then, we'll have one of those out of the blue aggressive/mysterious/non-compliant/regressive behavior therapy sessions. They always remind me of the same thing. We are not done. Our work will never be done. No parent's is.

But I have some great things going for me.

In 2013 (and beyond) I will try to:

Accept at long last that my child is autistic. He will always require extra attention. Celebrate his successes and not dwell on his failures

Accept that children aren't perfect and parenting never ends. Celebrate all of our children's successes and don't dwell on their failures (or our own).

Accept that I have an amazing support team. A support team that knows what they are doing and truly have the best interests of my child at heart. They do... all of them.

Accept that I have some amazing friends and family. Friends and family that know what they are doing and truly have my best interests at heart... and want to help.

Accept (and mostly) that I have an amazing wife who cares about the boy even more than I do. Additionally, she cares about me even more than I do. And she does it all while working a full-time job that allows us to have one parent home with the child a luxury I, embarrassingly, often overlook. She is the one I take advantage of most, but should the least. I need to accept that she is amazing and thank her more often.

Finally, Accept that I have an incredible son. He can do amazing things... and I need to remind him of that more often.

In 2013 I would like to be able to accept things better. I should start now.

Jack, you are an amazing child. I love how hard you work. I love your sense of humor. I love your creativity. Things aren't always perfect, my boy.

But I accept them.

You are good.

 

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>Autism

 

My personal wish for 2013 would be a word. Any word. Logan hasn't spoken an actual cognitive word in I can't remember how long. What I wish for everyone else? Inner peace. Happiness. I wish for them what they wish for themselves.

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Cinko from Manderstanding & blog

I was always told this about wishes: crap in one hand and wish in the other hand, and see which one comes true first. Rather unpleasant and stinky actually but, rather true. And now, I have to provide my wishes for 2013 to Crumb? Hopefully this time I will not crap in my hand again.

More importantly, how does one wish for something and not be selfish or so unbelievably selfless that even Miss USA would call bullshit? Is there a magic lamp? Does Robin Williams jump out? How many wishes do I get? Can I wish for more wishes? Crumb, where is the groundwork for my OCD brain? AHHHHHH!!!

(breathing into paper bag)

Honestly, I have never been that much of a wisher. As a child I did partake in a couple of wishing wells, but I never inhaled. I never really even wished much on shooting stars. Just saw the whole situation as I can make my own wish come true with some hard work and elbow grease, whatever that is. However, this last weekend, the family and I were driving at night I spotted a very large and very bright shooting star. I was the only one to see it. I told the wife and she said “make a wish.” And I did. I still do not know why but I made a wish. I will not know if my wish will come true or not, but it did give me one thing: hope.

Now hope is an essential human emotion but, to me, something still seems odd about hoping for something to happen (see above rule about wishing). According to Ancient Greek mythology, when Pandora opened the box and released all the evils of humanity, all except hope, which she closed back into the box. So did the Ancient Greeks see hope as an evil? I believe so but with this condition: hope can do good things for humanity, as well as bad things. It can torment us and it can benefit us. Hope is what we make of it, just as we do with making wishes. Would you rather wish or hope for something happen, or would you rather actually make it happen?

So what are my wishes? I probably won’t make any actually, sorry Crumb. However, I will promise to work harder so my family can benefit and have less stress and worries over money and bills. I will promise to try to find the good in people although I know they are completely horrible and not worth a second of my time ... maybe. I promise to be more patient. But I will not promise much more. I, unlike, politicians and most humans will only make promises I can reasonably keep. Not saying I am perfect, but I am damn near close to it.

So my message to Crumb and you all would be to be reasonable and curb your expectations. Hope gets you started but you still need to make and complete the journey. Everything depends on you. And one final message: be excellent to each other and party on dudes!!!

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Mary Tyler Mom & blog
Donna's Good Things & website 

My wish for 2013 is that our next child finds their way to us through adoption. Losing Donna brought my husband and I closer together, not further apart. We learned that we know how to do this parenting thing and enjoy it, too. Choosing hope that we will find our baby in less time than more. Happy New Year, folks! MTM.

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Momisms Moments & blog

I have several wishes for 2013:

Wishes for my family:

 

* Even though daddy now has a job taking him away on travels for long periods of time, my wish is for my kids to know they are loved and valued.

 

* I wish we were better about knowing the difference between "gotta get done" and "It can wait another week" because sometimes it seems like we have too many chores and not enough fun. I wish for more fun

Wishes for my spouse:

 

* I wish him well on his journey in finding his calling and career. I don't care if he is a truck driver or in security. Be happy, but have a career plan that can keep you engaged and moving forward in life.

 

* Be more active. There is so much that can be done when we turn off the TV.

Wishes for me

 

* I wish I could catch my 6yr old in a foot race. Much of my activity is the thinking/planning or cooking/laundry kind. Not much is spent running after my 6year old because frankly - I get tired and don't run/move as much as I should.

 

* I wish I was nicer sometimes. Sometimes its easier to say a little something mean, a small cutting remark or passive aggressive action than to sit and have a level headed discussion about the fact you ARE upset and the Why you are upset.

 

 

 

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And last, but certainly not least...

 

Slice of Humble & blog

 

My wish for 2013 is to keep doing what I am doing minus the stuff I suck at, hopefully I will get better at the things I suck at, then I can keep getting better at them, so then everything I am doing is getting bigger and better and badassy-er. I also hope to be a better mother, possibley thinner, and with a nice haircut. Also I want to laugh. A LOT. More than anyone ever had ever. But most of all, I want my friend Sheila Quirke from Mary Tyler Mom, to find her baby to adopt. More than anything that I could ever want to happen in the the New Year. I want that to happen.

 

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A HUGE thank you to all who participated. I had fun reading these, and I love that you took the time out of your busy lives to contribute. It means a lot to me! I am extremely fortunate to know each of you, and I hope all of your wishes for 2013 come true.

 

I am changing the world? For real?

I am consistently touched by the people who follow my page posts, and I do have to say, y'all (y'all?? I am a New Englander, we don't say y'all) are a pretty awesome bunch. Some of you have children, siblings, or other family members with special needs. Some of you work in the special education field. Some of you are just here because maybe you're curious- and this is the group that I strive hardest to reach.

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate everybody here, I LOVE hearing about your kids, and answering questions about Logan and our experiences, but when someone who has little to no exposure to someone like Logan writes to tell me something in them has changed....I can't even describe how this feels.

A friend of the page Jenn, recently posted one of these messages to me. She ended her comment with "You are changing the world- one person at a time". A-MA-ZING.

See, when you become a parent, you have all this stuff planned for your kid and your life together. When it becomes clear that the plan needs to change, it can be hard to swallow and there can often be days of wondering why? What's it all for? You question your own parenting, your ability to cope, to teach this special child, to love it and protect it enough. You wonder...Am I enough? Can I do this? These are huge looming questions that you need to come to terms with. So to get that sort of feedback from someone....to get all of the feedback we get on this page...I can't even articulate how it effects me.

I have come to terms with Logan being on a different path, and the fact that I am trudging along beside him on this journey, just smiling (sometimes gritting my teeth) and sharing with all of you. I have come to terms with the fact that we won't be doing everything I had thought we might. I have come to terms with the day to day of this different kind of life, and all of the amazing people who are now on this journey with us. I have come to terms with the fact that I AM enough, I CAN do this, and I love every single second of it. We are teaching as we are learning, and we are making an impact....that's what this is all for....y'all.

Just because I feel like telling something off...I pick Cancer

I can still remember the night my mother told me she had breast cancer. It was my 21st birthday, my first legal drink with my parents, out to dinner. I ordered a Singapore Sling. I sat next to Seth, my parents across from us. We were in the pub/bar area of the restaurant and it was loud, but I heard her clearly. "It's cancer". It was the end of November, and she wanted to wait to have surgery after Christmas. We all went through the motions for the sake of Abby who was 2 1/2.

The morning of the surgery, my sister picked me up. It was still dark. We rode in silence to the hospital. On the highway there was the clearest shooting star I'd ever seen..It was bright and stayed in the sky for what seemed to be longer than other shooting stars I'd experienced. We both thought that was a 'sign' that things would be okay.

When we got to the hospital mom was getting prepped. We were in the pre-op area, she was gowned and in her bed with her IV. They were starting to give her something to help her relax. We sort of stood around, not sure what to say or where to look...I looked over at Ashley and she didn't look very good. She looked at me, her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell into my arms. Nurses rushed over and put her in a chair with her head between her knees. They said fainting is common under these circumstances.

I remember standing there, shifting my weight from one foot to another, looking down at my mother in bed, at my sister sitting in the chair trying to stay conscious, and my father who just looked scared. I remember wanting to say something funny, upbeat..I remember wanting to tell them that I was pregnant with a baby that we'd tried so hard to conceive, but there was never a good time to bring it up.

They took her away, and that was that. What's strange is I can't even remember now if we stayed and waited on site, or went home and waited for the call. I have no recollection of any of it. I can't remember if the next time I saw her was in the hospital or at home. My memories of the next 9 months are very spotty. She had a double mastectomy with reconstruction, as well as chemo. She lost her hair. She tried to stay bright and sunny. I think she kept a lot from us, but one thing I was positive of.. I was growing a new life, while she was just trying to survive.

Over the next several years she continued to get checked out, and we really thought after 7 or so years she was out of the woods. Free and clear. Wrong. Even though she'd had both breasts and all the breast tissue completely removed, one sneaky cell had escaped and grew. Next step, radiation.

I'm sure many of you reading this have known someone who has suffered through cancer, possibly passed away as a result of it, so there is no reason to share every detail of the misery that this shit disease brings into someones life. I did think though, since she had drawn this short straw maybe this would be our families dose of it. I was dumb enough to believe that something, somewhere was possibly controlling the misery and would only dish it out in one-serving-per-family sized portions.

When Ash started having issues with her thyroid, cancer never crossed my mind. For one, I'd never heard of thyroid cancer, and for two, hadn't my family just gone through this shit? Apparently Mother Nature doesn't give a damn, and gave us another heaping helping. Ashley has just recently started to share her story on her page and her blog.

Because of my mother and my sister's history, I am followed pretty closely. I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop with every neck scan. I've had 2 breast biopsies, the most recent one removing a golf ball sized mass. (it was not cancer) I wish I had a crystal ball for my future..

Anyways. Cancer has not robbed me like it has some, but it has definitely held us at gun point a time or two. It's taken away any sense of security in our health. It's made us question every lump or ache. It's made us feel like we are walking the plank blindfolded, not sure of the next step.

I guess I don't really have a moral to this story. I think of Mary Tyler Mom's daughter Donna often. Daddy Doin' Work just lost a good friend Wade. It seems it's always here, always looming. I really don't truly hate many things, but I HATE YOU cancer. I honestly, with my whole heart and soul hate you. I absolutely fucking despise you. So fuck you. FUCK. YOU. ....asshole.

Why I do what I do

I've had days that I didn't want The Crumb Diaries page anymore. I have even unpublished the page. I have struggled with the question- am I sharing too much? I am virtually letting over 3,000 people into my living room, to sit at my kitchen table, into my hopes, dreams, memories. I've shared so much of our lives with so many of you. I decided from the start that I'd be honest with the good and the bad. Some days I question why I do everything that I do, in the way I parent Logan..

Putting my world out there is not always easy. I've been criticized for things I've posted, more than once. I'm fortunate to have amazing page admins for friends if I need advice, and its kept me on track, but I still do question myself and my motives. Do I need the support of 3,000 people? Do I want to let people see what a day in the life of a special needs family is like? Do I want to give other special needs families with young kids hope for a fun and bright future? The honest truth is yes, yes to all of these things, but there is a far, far bigger reason I maintain the page and continue to share.

The biggest reason is- I refuse to allow Logan's struggles to be in vain. He has to work so hard at every single thing he does, and I will not accept that its for nothing. To watch someone make such a huge effort just to ask a simple question, and then grin with a sweetness in his eye is just heartbreaking but heart lifting at the exact same time. It can't be for nothing. My purpose is to share and give hope to soooo many families out there with young children newly diagnosed, searching for a path, wondering about a future.

I am his means of communication, his platform. Through me, he reaches all of you. I get some extremely nice messages telling me how he has touched people's lives. He has either changed their view on special needs folks, or he has given them hope for their own special needs child. When Logan was young and his struggles were becoming clear, I searched for that hope. I am so honored that you take the time to read what I write, and I can share that hope with you.  I am so honored that I have been given this hope, who I call my son.

My Thanksgiving wish for you

I was born on Thanksgiving Day. It's been a running joke in my family that I am the Turkey, I cost mom her real turkey dinner, dad had to eat alone with his in-laws, the nurses bitched they were at the hospital not home with their families etc. Not the best holiday to be born on, but definitely not the worst.

Over the last 39 yrs (yep countdown is on to the big 4-0 now) I couldn't tell you how many times my birthday has actually fallen on Thanksgiving..I think I remember it happening when I was 11..maybe again in my teens, and now today. It's kind of cool, being all together anyways, having a feast, then just adding the cake in as a bonus. As we get older, the presents and cake and party all sort of lose the magical feel, and it's just another day, another year older.

This year is my first Thanksgiving or birthday without my mother-in-law, who passed in March. She was more like a mother to me than a mother-in-law, never having made me feel that I was stealing her son, but more that she had gained a daughter and she loved me very, very much. Obviously she crosses my mind often..but last night going to sleep I had no idea that I would wake up with such a conscious ache that this is the first significant holiday without her and I get double whammied. I miss her. A lot.

I've written about losing her, and some other family members in my blog titled 'loss'. It's been tough with Logan, and I'm sure more than once today he will mention Nanny.

Holidays are often rushed. We are often racing around, wanting everything perfect, is the gravy too thick? The turkey too dry? Ugh too much/not enough salt in the potatoes. We might push kids aside "get out of the way of the TV! the games on!!"  Really, looking back on past holidays, do you remember every bite of your meal? Do you remember who won every game? Or do you remember the time spent, who may have shown up or sat next to you, what you learned about someones life that day? Maybe you sat around and laughed at old memories, stories of years gone by when the kids were small and had squash stuck in their hair at the dinner table.

I am not one to 'preach' about tradition or tell you that you aren't doing it right, that's not what I'm saying here at all. I'm simply saying my mother-in-law is gone. My grandparents are gone. My uncle is gone. All I have left of them are these memories of the times spent together. So when you're pushing a kid aside to mix the potatoes, or shushing your mom because a score is being announced, remember you can never, ever get that moment back to do over.

This holiday, love. Laugh. Live together in the moment. Take lots of pictures. Blow off the stress, let it go. Perfect is boring, these moments are not forever. They are fleeting, they are gone in an instant-cherish them, embrace them.

Happy thanksgiving to you and yours. I hope everyone has a wonderful day full of laughter, love and warm embraces. If you are estranged from someone you wish you were with today, make the call, say your peace. Life flies by us, so many of us are on the fast track. Take this day to slow the pace.

Peace & love.

Who do you do things for? ...really?

Recently I've been thinking about something interesting- maybe more like questioning myself actually..."who do you do things for?" I don't mean who do you cook meals for, or bring home a favorite video game for. I mean who do you dress up for, do your hair or apply makeup for, buy that brand new car for, upgrade to a bigger house for?

I know for myself, I'm happier to go without washing my hair, throwing it up in an elastic, putting on a sweatshirt over my pj top and eat some ice cream instead of going to the gym. I realize this is my personal preference, and honestly if I were able to do this every day, after a while it may get old. Some days I do just say screw it and go with the elastic and sweatshirt, but most days I am presentable. I don't work at a job dealing with public, I could wear a clown costume if I really wanted to, but something makes me pick out an outfit, flat iron my hair. What? If being a slob is what makes me happy, why do I fight it and pull myself together?

I get it that we feel better when we look better, and maybe even when we have nice things, but who do you think notices the difference between a Coach bag or a knock off? I am guilty, I have a few Coach bags, and paid too much for them, but why? I'm not even sure I can answer this myself. It's not like its way better quality than something cheaper. It doesn't have extra room that I can't find in another purse. So...why?

Put it this way. If you were living all alone in a city- literally nobody else around- would you bother doing the things you do? If not, then that probably means, you are doing it for someone else. We make decisions based on who we might bump into, who might approve/disapprove of our choices.

If you could buy a used car for $10,000 that was guaranteed to run for 10 yrs, why would you spend $20,000 on the same car but with a fancy emblem on it? Because of who might see you driving it? I am not saying that everybody does this- if this does not apply to you, then disregard. I am saying a lot of people live their lives this way and don't even realize it. They live beyond their means simply to impress someone else when in reality does that someone else even care?

I would love LOVE a new car. LOVE, did I say love? But- my car is paid for, my car runs okay. I need to decide how bad I want the new car (which will not be NEW, just new to me). I have to decide if this way of thinking will help me or hurt me. I have to decide if this money is worth taking from something else that may come up in the future. I have to make this decision based on these things- NOT on what I think people will say when they see me driving my new car, but I'm finding this kind of hard.

You see it allllllll the time on Facebook "I got a new this! I got a new that!" Okay..good for you, how many 'likes' did you get? Was it worth the $35k you just shelled out? I really hope so!

I know people work hard, they want nice stuff. I know I do. I know I want that new car BAD. Just make sure you're doing it for you, not for what someone else thinks about it. Don't drive yourself into debt for it- because after everyone says "ooohh ahhhh aren't you successful? wowwww!" they aren't paying your bills. Make sure those ooh's and aaah's are well worth it. Image isn't everything- your happiness and your future is. PS. I still want a new car.