Friday, November 9, 2012

Sweet Dreams


Once upon a time, there lived a very young, naive woman who fell in love, married, and had big dreams for her life. Her first born was a daughter, and she was elated. She decked her out in all things beautiful, signed her up for dance classes, treated her like a little princess. She told her every day how much she loved her, that girls could do anything and that perfect was boring.

Her second born was a son, and she was ecstatic. She thought of all the fun boy things to come, trucks, baseball, mud and fishing.

She wrote letters to these children as they grew, starting before they were even born, tucking them away in a special place for them to read as adults. They expressed all of her love, hopes and dreams for them and their futures.

The years went by, some dreams came to fruition, some slipped through the cracks. Over time this woman grew up enough to realize that some dreams slipping away were okay, as hard as they were to let go of. She learned to realize that a new dream, a different reality, was not only just acceptable, but also enjoyable.

Letting go of dreams is not easy, but it is possible. Learning to love what you have been given, not trying to change it, never judging or punishing it, and helping to nourish and encourage it as a brand new dream is success. Every person has their own dream, especially for their children, but sometimes they just aren't possible and alterations or adjustments are required. It's a process, and it took the woman a long time to accept and embrace the process as her own.

Whether your dream is for your child to go to Harvard, or for your child to simply speak someday- its your own private dream between you and your child. Don't compare it to anyone else's, and don't expect the same successes as the kid next door, or even as your other children. Some things are simply beyond our control, and acceptance is a crucial step in helping these kids attain their dreams.

I am totally okay with being this woman. I love our dreams.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Am I racist?

Having a Facebook page has pushed a couple things in my face.

1- Not everybody agrees with me. This is not surprising to me.
 
2- People love to argue. This is not surprising to me.
 
3- People don't always get what I am trying to say. This is not surprising to me.
 
4- I can't say anything without being made to feel I am not being Politically Correct enough.
   
This surprises me, and frustrates me.


Where do we draw the line on being "PC"? Can we say ANYTHING and state a fact without someone twisting it up, turning it upside down and making it mean something it doesn't?

Fact- We have our first EVER black president. This is A BIG DEAL. Do people forget that there was a time when our black citizens could not even vote? I don't. Even after the 15th amendment was enacted, it still took another century to make this a reality for all black people. So, excuse me for pointing out the fact that our president is indeed black. It's awesome. It's progress. It's way too freaking overdue and I think we should be ashamed of ourselves.

I am in no way saying that President Obama should be president simply because he is black, so please don't get it twisted (yet again). In fact, I am not a big Obama supporter (not a Romney fan either and this is not about where I stand). I mentioned having a black president as being 'progress', and more than one person had to ask "why do you need to make it a black thing" "You shouldn't mention that he is black" "If we'd elected Romney would you mention the fact that he is white?"

What is wrong with you people?? Of course if Romney were elected I wouldn't mention him being white, because another white president would not be a big deal! I also pointed out that Elizabeth Warren is the first woman to represent Massachusetts in the U.S. Senate. If Scott Brown had won, there would be nothing more to say about it. Its the fact that she is FEMALE that makes it something to mention. It's a big deal, it's progress. A century ago, women couldn't even vote!

This is about the simple fact that we cannot seem to say ANYTHING without someone calling "YOU SAID BLACK YOU ARE A RACIST OMG!" Just stop. Please. PLEASE!

I made a comment recently about Logan having a certain shape to his eyes, and he feels he is Chinese. Again. "You stereotype!" wait...how is stating how a Chinese persons eyes look a STEREOTYPE? This is a physical trait of a Chinese person. Logan has something similar. I said nothing negative, I said nothing ridiculing, I simply stated a fact, and got called out for it.

You know Daddy Doin' Work? He made a comment in a blog post that one of the things he feared about raising a daughter, was the fact that he sees so many girls dressed skimpily, acting provocatively. Well the 'slut shamers' came out in full force! He was called all sorts of things- it was ridiculous. He was simply stating a fact. He sees girls looking and acting a way he hopes will not influence his daughter in the future.

Having a page, I know I get judged. I feel I am an open minded person, I mean, how could I possibly ask you and expect you to accept my child with his differences, but then toss judgement around onto others? I wouldn't.

When you read someones thoughts, just take it for what it is. Don't assume there is some hidden meaning in the post, and don't twist it just so you can argue about it. If you comfortable with your own beliefs, you don't NEED to push them onto someone else. Just be cool with you, that should be enough.







Saturday, November 3, 2012

One clarification

I know, I know. I am too sensitive. The pages I follow have huge followings, and they are often subjected to criticism and take it in stride. I just take things to heart I guess, most likely because I am still so new at this, and I hope that I will harden with time and experience, and keep taking advice from my favorite admins.

I guess I'm mostly bothered because I try so hard to paint an honest picture, and give a view of all sides of our lives. The good, the bad, the sad, the funny. We had a couple heavy days, and this was something light and funny. It felt good to share a smile after 2 days of crap.

I wish everyone had the attitude and outlook that Logan has. 100% open mind, open heart. In our family, we fall into all kinds of stereo typed categories. The girls are blond. My husband is a mechanic. Logan is overweight and has special needs. We are Polish. I was a teen mother. None of these matter. We can joke about all of them and care about none of them.

We have friends that own multi-million dollar corporations, and friends that are homeless, sleeping on another friends couch. We have friends that are bilingual, we have friends that are deaf. We have friends that are vegetarians, and friends that raise meat cattle for a living. We may have a policeman at our dinner table, and then a felon the very next night. My daughter works for and with all Chinese people, and married a Puerto Rican man. We have never, and would never judge anyone for any of these meaningless things. Logan has never been taught to stereotype, laugh at, judge or dislike someone for any reason other than their behavior.

I know I don't have to explain myself. I do realize this. I just don't want anything to be unclear, and if you are following my page, I want you to have a full understanding as to what we are about. I've never felt so judged before, and to have it be about something that was so off base really bothered me. I cant help it. I just need to toughen up.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Scarred for Life-part 5 "Damn you thyroid of steel" guest post by Ashley Laskiewicz


This is a guest post done by my sister Ash. She is starting her own "blogging journey" and will be sharing here as well as on her own personal Facebook page. I lived this as a sister- and it was terrifying. I am eager to read this journey from her point of view.

To link directly to Ash's blog click HERE

Blog- Scarred for Life

Entry 5- Damn you thyroid of steel






Sadly at this point my thyroid of steel became a joke at the doctors office...But honestly if I didn't laugh.. I wanted to cry....We celebrated Morgan's first birthday.... then the anniversary of my surgery came and went......we got through the holidays.... then it was time to gear up for round 3....Off my meds I went....this time it really felt like no big deal...and it was an even smaller dose...

The girls loved staying with my parents...so that part was not a problem...the problem this time was, my parents lived in mass...we lived in maine...and John was going away snowmobiling for a few days..exactly the same time I'd be radio active....I didn't want to stay home alone and I couldn't stay at my parents because of the kids....soooo I went on an ALL guys snowmobile trip with John....what an experience that turned out to be....I was the running joke the entire time...Hey Ash are you glowing?? Hey Ash can you come stand next to my food and heat it up??? Hey John when you kiss her does she spark...hahaha... very funny guys!!

Like the other times the first day or so I was okay..but by the third day I was miserable...I sucked it up and did what I had to do so John still enjoyed his guys trip....the guys took good care of me and knew what I was going through...they didn't care if I wanted to pull over for a break...or go to bed early....
we still laugh about me tagging along it to this day....

I don't remember going back for another scan....I don't remember much about the meds after that last treatment..I remember being frustrated about how I still felt..now 25 yrs old...I felt fat...depressed...worn down...I felt like I was someone I wasn't supposed to be....I actually remember just saying fuck it and not going back to the endocrinologist for a while....I'm not sure if it was because I didn't want to get any more bad news..or if I just needed a break....

When I moved to New Hampshire.... I found an endocrinologist in Hampton who was pretty good and much closer for blood work...but this guy was more into the diabetes side of the endocrine system so he didn't really do much for me and was constantly changing my doses...and every time something about my dose changed...I changed.....weight gain/ weight loss..anxiety..depression..fatigue..hair loss..etc...

Lucky for me this endocrinologist moved his practice and he was replaced by a lady..I still see her and really like her a lot...she's awesome and takes me very seriously and most importantly listens to what I have to say...she is also very thorough ...she has kept up with my blood work and ultra sounds...I have my blood drawn every 7 weeks and she calls me and lets me know the results right away...

During an appointment last May....she was saying how surprised she was that I can tolerate the amount of medication I take....so she wanted me to give her the run down on when I take my meds....When do you take your medication??... In the morning....what do you take it with??.. My coffee...what do you put in your coffee??...Cream...did you know cream has calcium in it and that will block your medication???... Nope I didn't....how long have you been taking your meds this way??
10 yrs!!!

So I had been taking my meds with something that blocked the absorption and depending on how much coffee I drank each morning and how much cream I dumped in... it was always a crap shoot on the amount of medication my body was getting!!!!

All these years and they never asked and I never knew how in the world my levels where constantly off....So let's fix this...sounds easy right??? WRONG!!!

Basically they calculate your meds on your weight...so I should be taking roughly 108mcg (micrograms) per day...I have been taking almost 200mcg daily....so since May I have changed my schedule....I now take my meds at night....now every time I have my blood drawn my levels are through the roof..because I don't have anything blocking it anymore...she has been changing the dose very slowly...taking a half of tab away at a time... I wait 7 weeks on the new dose and then they check...it's been long and stressful and every blood draw I'm excited to hear the results...but so far every time has been another medication change and another 7 long weeks of feeling like total shit...

The last medication change was the worst..I called and begged to be seen...I explained how awful I felt...They were sorry but I'd have to wait out the 7 weeks until it leveled out and they could check the bloodwork...I swear it was the longest 7 weeks I've had in a long time....It's harder now to hide it....I get moody and tired...I have a hard time focusing on simple things like helping my kids with homework... I swear sometimes I feel like I'm on another planet...

Finally it was time for my bloodwork...she also called and said she would like to schedule an ultrasound.....ok sure...

Two weeks ago I had my bloodwork and ultrasound... going to the ultrasound I felt uneasy...I can't explain why...I just did...They took me right in and I laid down...having them press on your neck with that stupid thing sucks...It's hard not to swallow...we went over my history and I noticed she was spending more time and taking more pictures of a certain spot...she called in another person and the mood changed...I fought back the tears and tried to breath...I'm reading into this I know it...it was over and I remember her saying that they would have the radiologist read this right away and my doctor would have the results by the morning....results of what?? wasn't this just a routine ultra sound??... My husband told me to relax...my friends said don't worry....I never got a call so I figured no news was good news....

It's so easy for people to simply say "don't worry...things will be fine"...after they tell you these words and even though they really do mean it...their life goes on...they are not waiting...wondering....worrying I will not be relieved until I hear there is nothing in there....I'm not saying that waiting for results aren't hard on everyone....but I think the anticipation of results is a bit more intense for someone who's had cancer.....every time I'm sick for a long time...every pain that doesn't go away...every weird unexplained symptom... I'm not gonna lie....I think oh shit it's come back to finish it's job...it's come back to get me...I don't know if I'll ever be worry free of this...ever...

In 28 days the little person that was growing in my belly when that lump was found will be 11...it's been almost 11 yrs!! Some days I look back and cannot believe it....some days it seems like yesterday....it was a crazy experience....that is for sure...and I wouldn't wish it on anyone...

The past 11 yrs haven't always revolved around this...it's something I've learned to deal with and live with everyday....I've been healthy and fortunate enough to travel with my husband and kids...we snowmobile in the winter and camp in the summer...After being a stay at home mom and doing daycare out of my home I recently went back to school and now work as an LNA...life is good!!

Last week I showed up for my appointment....First thing is step on the scale....I'd lost a few lbs...always a good thing in my book...the nurse rooms me and takes my blood pressure and asks how I am feeling....I tell her crappy and she writes down everything I say....finally my adorable little doctor comes in....she sits and says ...well what do you think I'm going to tell you??... I say..my meds have got to be off I feel like crap ....she tells me I'm correct.....go figure....so we decrease once again and wait...

Moving on...she brings up the ultra sound....I can feel my eyes start to water and burn..deep breaths...and then she says it...They found malignant looking lymph nodes on the same side they found my tumor.....she went on to say that the cancer markers in my blood are non detectable and that is very positive...lymph nodes can looks weird for a number of reasons so there's no need to panic...we will have more blood work in 7 weeks and a follow up ultra sound in a few months...have a nice day...

I cried all the way home...I took some time off from work and changed my schedule a little bit...I'm trying not to let this worry take over...waiting sucks..medication sucks..blood work sucks...cancer sucks

I know a lot of people that have read this didn't know any of it....it's not something you just meet someone and share...Hi my name is Ash and I had cancer...no it's not like that...although I'm not bothered by my scar and don't mind talking about this...it's not a trophy..for me it's a painful reminder..

I've also had people that are very close to me ask themselves..where was I??..what the hell was I doing when you were going through this??...well I have asked myself the same things...why didn't I share more?? ..why didn't I ask for more help???...I think during tough times you go into survival mode..and I was probably doing just that...surviving..

I believe everything happens for a reason...I never did before until I got diagnosed with cancer...I don't think I got cancer for a reason.. I think I got pregnant for a reason...If I had never gotten pregnant..they may not have found the lump....maybe not until it was to late ...do I think I had the best cancer ever??...NO...but I do think it could have been a lot worse...


I believe I got my guardian angel early...her name is Morgan




Friday, October 26, 2012

Scarred for Life-part 4 "Treatment~Round Two" guest post by Ashley Laskiewicz

This is a guest post done by my sister Ash. She is starting her own "blogging journey" and will be sharing here as well as on her own personal Facebook page. I lived this as a sister- and it was terrifying. I am eager to read this journey from her point of view.

To link directly to Ash's blog click HERE

Blog- Scarred for Life

Entry 4- Treatment~Round Two


While my kids were happy to have me home and the baby was growing and thriving..I felt like I was dying...Was I?? Honestly I didn't know....I had crazy symptoms and didn't know how to deal with them....I was a person that was never sick, never saw the doctor, didn't take medications....and now all of a sudden I as doing all of the above...

After the first round of Radioactive iodine I didn't really feel the effects until later on...I started losing hair..I couldn't lose the baby weight....I was tired...I felt aggravated all the time....I was jittery and high strung and even though I was tired I couldn't sleep...And most of all I was mad as hell that I felt this way....I was the type of mother that would have dropped anything for a walk to the park...I had patience for silly things and loved being a mom...All sudden I wasn't that person anymore..it took all I had just to get out of bed in the morning..

To look at me you would have never know anything was wrong...it was all internal...I remember John being upset that I had no sex drive...I remember Sarah being confused on why I didn't want to push her on the swings for the 500th time...and when Morgan would cry in the middle of the night I remember thinking just go to fucking sleep!!

Life doesn't stop when you have cancer....some days you just have to suck it the fuck up because there are people counting on you...I had two little people that depended on me...I remember one day calling John and just snapping....I couldn't take the stress anymore....I hated everything and everyone...That day I made myself a doctors appointment because I knew I needed help...My regular Doctor could not see me so I saw his nurse...I walked in with Morgan and sat down and could barely speak...the emotions took over and I broke down..She asked me if there was someone she could call...Yes, call my sister...and she did...what I didn't realize is this nurse new nothing about what I'd just been through..she saw me and a brand new baby and make a quick judgement...she thought I was a young overwhelmed mother that possibly had postpartum depression...she was calling my sister to come get Morgan...did she really think I'd hurt my own baby???

I was pissed and after explaining why I was there...she said to go back to the hospital in burlington, she would call ahead and have someone waiting for me...thank god!! I took the girls to my parents for the night and went to the hospital E.R....when I walked in and told them my name..they had in fact been waiting for me...They gave me a room, took my vitals and took some blood...and then they walked in...A crisis management team...Are you serious?? Oh they were very serious, and they looked at me like I was nuts...They asked me a million questions and watched my reactions...have you taken any drugs..Does radio active iodine count?? Have you gone through any trauma...Just found out I had cancer!!.. All that didn't seem to matter to them...why weren't they listening to me....Would you ever hurt your children...I remember saying noway and crying feeling defeated....why are you crying?? why are you so emotional?? Well wouldn't you be???

They told me they had to leave and go and discuss with their team of crazy's weather or not I could go home....I wished I'd never come...I was just looking for help....about an hour later the E.R. doctor came in and said "I'm so sorry" ...why was I being committed??.. No they had finally gotten my lab results and my thyroid level was through the roof....what had happened was...when I had the radioactive iodine and the thyroid was destroyed it released all of the thyroid hormone into my body...I wasn't crazy...I had 3 times the normal amount of thyroid hormone in my body...I left with some ativan instead of a straight jacket...

So after that nightmare things settled down and leveled out and I began taking medication...I couldn't do the second radioactive iodine treatment right away, there had to be several months in between...I felt pretty good, normal....the kids were awesome..Morgan by this time was sitting up and Sarah was smart as a whip...we were hanging out with friends and it felt good...until it was time for the next treatment...in order for my thyroid to suck up the iodine I had to go off my meds...the meds that kept my energy level up...the meds that kept my hair growing..the meds that kept me feeling sane...I had to go off of them for 4 weeks...I can do this..I had to...It was a fight everyday...I'd never been tired...I'd never been depressed..I was the person that would have dropped everything and jumped in her car and driven 100 miles to nowhere just for the adventure...and now I could barely make it out of my driveway...

I made it through the 4 weeks of no meds and once again had the radioactive iodine...this time it was a lesser dose and I only had to be away from the girls for 5 days....John was working at an airport in Maine so instead of being alone in the house I decided to go with him..I was happy to get away...but this time it hit me a hell of a lot harder than last time...not only did I have no meds in my system.. this was killing off the last bit of working thyroid I had...I remember not wanting to be by myself and John not wanting to leave me in the hotel...so he wrapped me up in a blanket and I sat in his truck on the runway while he worked...I slept most of the time and I did some reading...I was pale and weak and my neck hurt this time...this was the first time I felt like a sick person..

I couldn't wait to get home to the girls and get back on my meds...at least now with my thyroid totally gone there would be no worry....it took a long time to regulate my meds but I was feeling better...my hair didn't come back the same.. it was thin, dry and turning grey at the age of 24...I didn't drop all my baby weight and I was used to being very thin...this was hard for me to get used to...but I felt better....I got a bit of a break and enjoyed the summer...we actually moved to Maine where John was working and getting away was awesome!! I did commute the 3 hours back and fourth for appointments because I didn't want to change doctors...but we would make it a sleepover at meme and papas and all was pretty good...

It was coming up on a year since the surgery..I couldn't believe Morgan was turning a year old...she was a great baby..laid back and super sweet...And Sarah was the mayor of our house..she called the shots..I was enjoying every minute of being with them...

At my doctors appointment she said it was time to get a routine scan...but my meds would need tweaking so I could be injected with a small amount of iodine... whatever cells, if any where left they would absorb the iodine....bring it on!!

It was winter and the only things I can remember about being off my meds were constantly being freezing cold and gaining weight...I showed up for the scan and it was just like before...been there done that...I got this!!

Then I got a call....Ding Ding..round 3 of radio active iodine had been ordered

Scarred for Life-part 3 "Recovery~Diagnosis~Treatment" guest post by Ashley Laskiewicz

 


This is a guest post done by my sister Ash. She is starting her own "blogging journey" and will be sharing here as well as on her own personal Facebook page. I lived this as a sister- and it was terrifying. I am eager to read this journey from her point of view.

To link directly to Ash's blog click HERE

Blog- Scarred for Life

Entry 3- Recovery~Diagnosis~Treatment

 

Good Morning Sunshine" are the first words I heard upon waking up from surgery in the elevator heading to recovery...I remember only being able to keep my eyes open for seconds at a time...I remember being in so much pain and not being able to talk to tell anyone....the nurses however were great...every time they would see me start to wake up they would come and hit my morphine and I'd be out like light..
 I didn't realize till later that I laid there for nearly 5 hours after surgery...It had been a long day for my mother and John in the waiting room..They let my mom in to see me and then she went back home to be with the girls..John came in after and I remember them making him leaving because he kept asking me questions and they didn't want me to talk...
 I finally got to go upstairs to my room...John was there and I had awesome nurses..At this point I was wide awake and able to talk a little bit..I was starving and wanted to eat..chicken broth and jello was all I was allowed and I promptly threw it all up the minute it hit my stomach...They told me I should get up and walk around..I never realized how much my neck muscles did until that day...I could barely roll over in bed and they wanted me to walk up and down the halls, really?? I did what they said and walked to the vending machine so John could get a snack and started to pass out..It was scary..I remember having to sit down and then dry heaving on the floor...I was embarrassed and John had to carry me back to my room..
 My night's sleep sucked, they put those boots on my feet that filled up with air and every time they did I'd wake up....I couldn't roll over or get comfortable... John slept in the chair next to my bed...The next morning was miserable..but I was going home!! I will never forget John actually complaining about having a stiff neck from sleeping in that chair....are you kidding me!!!...YOU have a stiff neck???
 I had a surprise visit from the surgeon before being discharged...He wanted to tell me in person that he did in fact leave the left half of my thyroid gland inside me. The lump was looked at in the operating room by a pathologist and looked like it was just a goiter..it would be sent out for further testing...He said with this half of my thyroid being left inside my body I had a much better chance at not having to be on medication for the rest of my life...He acted like he did me a huge favor....so I was grateful..
 Driving home was excruciating....I swear John hit every bump possible...I arrived home and my couch had been pulled out and made into a bed where I would stay so I could watch t.v....I was pretty much out of it..on a lot of pain medication...I couldn't get up by myself and could barely eat....I don't remember how many days it was until I saw the girls...when I did finally get to see them it was painful emotionally and physically....I was to sore to hold Morgan and every time Sarah would jump, hug or try to snuggle me, it hurt..I wasn't able to fully care for them by myself for about a week and a half..
 Aside from recovering and trying to get better so I could have the kids home...Christmas was coming!! And between having a baby and having surgery, I hadn't done any shopping at all...I remember saying screw it and driving to walmart..my mom yelling at me because they had told me not to drive for 2 weeks..oh well...I remember standing in the toy aisle in so much pain, fighting back the tears and then leaving the toy filled cart there and going home...I was finally able to convince John we needed to go to the mall...We didn't have a lot of money so I asked Sarah if she could have anything what would it be?? She wanted a giant winnie the pooh...I was on a mission and found her one at the disney store..Now I couldn't wait until christmas morning!
 Christmas was great!! Every year my parents would put on an open house with tons of food and tons of people...I would be able to dress the girls up and I think it was the first time I put on real clothes since having Morgan..I remember wearing a turtle neck because I didn't want anyone to see my neck and ask about it...After all I was heading to the Doctors the very next day and it would all be behind me..so let's enjoy this night with friends and family...
 My follow up appointment was the day after Christmas..it was also the first time I'd be taking both kids out with me..my mom came too...My first follow up was with the endocrinologist.. my follow up with the surgeon was a few days later...I was thankful I'd made it through this and I was looking forward to putting this behind me and being able to get back into a routine with the girls...We sat in the room and waited for the doctor....she appeared with a folder in her hand and asked me if I'd seen the surgeon yet? Nope I hadn't..."I just pulled your pathology results off the computer" She said...wonderful..lay it on me....And then she said it....It was cancer...
 I remember panicking and immediately crying..My mom shushing me because she needed to hear what this lady was saying..Sarah asking me what was wrong...I wanted to grab that folder and rip it up...I wanted this doctor to go check it again...obviously she'd gotten it wrong...the surgeon told me it looked okay....go fucking check again!!!
 She wasn't wrong... there was no mistake...the lump was minimally invasive follicular carcinoma...words I will never forget...but it was easily treatable and according to her...if your going to have cancer it's the best one to have...Are you serious?? Do you want to take my place on this table right now??.. Was I supposed to feel lucky??...Like I had hit the mother fucking cancer lottery??..
 She reminded us that the surgeon had left the other half of my thyroid inside and told me she would immediately schedule a second surgery..WHAT??? There's noway I could do that again...there's noway this is really happening...I needed time to digest this..I needed to go home...
 I don't remember the drive home..I don't remember the kids being in the back seat...but I remember my mom being ridiculously calm and positive when all I wanted to do was swear at anyone that looked at me and punch them in the face...we drove to her house and I called john...it was the first time I'd said it out loud...It's cancer...
 My follow up with the surgeon was here...John came with me and I had all the bandages and steri strips removed..the scar was there and it was still numb..I remember touching it and getting sick to my stomach...The surgeon went over the pathology report....like I hadn't heard it loud and clear the first time...I told him the endocrinologist wanted another surgery and my guess was he would be the one to do it....He didn't like this and took offense right away...there was no need to question his work...he got it all...he told me "I'm good at what I do"... He did me a favor and left that side in, so I could have a more normal future...didn't I remember if I was his wife that's what he'd do??..I remember thinking.. Do you hate your fucking wife??
 It became a battle between the surgeon and the endocrinologist and I was caught in the middle...I decided to get a second opinion and see the most recommended doctor at Mass general in Boston...
John and I went and sat in his office...he was one of those guys that was sooo smart he came off as odd...he had a bunch of interns sitting in with us...the more the merrier!!...they discussed me like I wasn't even in the room and tossed some mumbo jumbo back and fourth and then he finally said (and I'm not kidding when I type this) "as much as I'd love to slice your neck open..there's no need to"and he recommended I have radioactive iodine treatment.
 To me it was a better alternative to having another surgery..I called my endocrinologist and asked if she was okay with this new plan and could she set it up...Yes she was...I scheduled lots of appointments and had tons of blood work and scans...Then learned that I would be radioactive?? I would need to be in isolation??? My stomach sank when they told me I would have to stay away from the kids for another 7 days...it was to dangerous for them to be around me...so once again I packed them up and my mom and sister took over...
 They had to special order this radioactive stuff and I had to be there when is was delivered...it was late at night and we drove to the hospital...the nuclear medicine room was in the basement and John had to wait outside...they led me into what looked like a vault .... a guy with a suit and gloves on took a lead canister out of the counter and opened it....he told me to hold out my hand...out of this big thing came two pills...he gave me some water and told me to swallow them....let me get this straight, your in here in a suit and gloves and won't even touch these pills and you want me to eat them??? Thats exactly what they wanted me to do and in doing this it would kill any remaining thyroid I had left.
I went home...all was fine...I didn't feel radioactive..I didn't look radioactive...I couldn't go out in public...I couldn't be within 3 feet of John for more than 10 minutes...I ate with plasticware and paper plates and had to throw them away outside...I had to flush the toilet 3 times when I went to the bathroom...I couldn't spit my toothpaste in the sink it had to be spit in the toilet and flushed 3 times...I couldn't chew gum...wash all clothes separately and wash them twice...and god forbid if I threw up I had to call nuclear medicine for a clean up.. and in case I died nuclear medicine would have to be called to come get my body!!
 After a very looong week of basically being bored to death...I was ready to get my kids and celebrate!! I had to go back to the hospital for more bloodwork and another scan...I remember being giddy at the thought this was over..I was happy and told myself it was a small price to pay for my health and the kids would never remember not being with me during those weeks...after all they were being spoiled rotten by their Meme and Auntie...
 I got my iv inserted and waited to be called...they called me in and let John stand behind the glass and watch...I laid on the table and they turned on the machine..the lights when all around and they slid me in..telling me when to breathe and when to hold my breath...when it was over I don't remember what they said..if anything at all...I just couldn't wait to get out of there..we went home feeling relieved and I would return to the endocrinologist and start discussing meds...big deal so I have to take a pill everyday..to me it seemed that easy...
 When I returned for my follow up.....once again this bitch with the folder told me devastating news..
My scan showed a piece of working thyroid still in there....I would have to go through another round of the radio active iodine...now not only was I lucky enough to get THIS kind of cancer....I was lucky enough to have what they were calling...the thyroid of steel..
 
Christmas night

Morgan the reindeer

Sarah & Morgan
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Neighbors, and dogs, and identity theft oh my!

In my Fun Fact Friday post, I mentioned driving 3 sets of neighbors out, and a couple people in boxed me asking what was up with that? Don't be scared! Unless you move in next door and act like an asshat.

Okay, so here is the story, and you be the judge. I moved into my home at the age of 17, husband was 20. We had great neighbors with 3 little boys. We aren't a trick-or-treat area, so I would make them special little decorated boxes full of treats for Halloween, attended their birthday parties, gave homemade Xmas cookies, we were always leaving treats on each other's doorsteps. The mom did the same for us, especially after we had Abby. It was a great relationship, then they decided to move into a bigger home, and some new people bought the house next to us.

Enter A&A (I am not going to use any names in this story). A&A were....I am going to assume early 30-somethings, I honestly couldn't tell you. They were career folks, and all they really wanted was to flip the house and make some big money. They rejected all efforts to be friendly, and were not fond of pretty much anything we did. They HATED our dog, and called the dog officer or police any chance they got. They didn't approve of our 4wheelers, chain saw's or kids making noise. My husband is the type of person who pretty much is who he is, and doesn't change for anyone. It just made it a strained situation, and soon they would say loudly enough for us to hear that they couldn't wait to get away from these hicks, make some profit and be gone. Whatever. I guess it's not accurate to say we "drove them out", but it sounds more dramatic. The last time I saw A&A, they were wearing matching overalls, with these big bug spray canisters marching around their back yard. Oh yea, I'd miss them alright.

Next came a little family of 3. Yay a kid! A girl Logan's age, and Abby was thrilled. We made extra efforts to welcome them, determined to make a solid friendship, and we did. They were great friends of ours. The dad even got himself a motorcycle so he could ride with my husband and his friends. We attended each others functions and even shared a couple kids birthdays in a backyard area that was kind of behind both of our homes.

The only issue we really had with them was their daughter- she was extremely spoiled and sheltered. Anytime she was with us, her parents had an issue about what we were allowing her to do, like pat kittens or get dirty. Hey, my kids played outside, and I like it. Not them, and it became a rift. Abby would go to their house (where they'd play inside only) and she would be sent home, coming through the door upset at being kicked out of their house. This was ALWAYS because she wouldn't give the girl her way. For example - the girls were playing a Barbie computer game. Part of the game was to name your horse. Abby chose "mystic". The girl says "you can't have mystic, that's my beanie baby unicorns name" Abby said that she liked it, and that's what she wanted for the name. The girl went and got her father, and without asking for details he kicked Abby out saying she was upsetting his little girl. Ok..

This was just a quick example. This went on and on and on. It ended up turning into a strained relationship, stemming from the way we were treating each others kids. The girl was terrified of everything, so any time she was at our house, where there were dogs, cats, birds and a bull, she would go home in tears and the parents would be pissed at us. It spiraled, until we were barely speaking. I admit, it did suck because we'd been friends, and I knew that someday when the little girl got older things might change.

We had a huge shrub that divided our driveways, the shrub was on our property. This shrub was a pain for the kids to get around to visit each other, so we cut a doorway and put an arbor up so they could pass through easily. Well, this shrub was a bee haven, and soon there was a nest near the doorway. The mom bitched and whined and complained, and we tried spraying and knocking it down, but they kept coming back.

One day I pulled in after work to find the shrub GONE. My husband had gotten fed up and taken his back ho to it, yanking up the whole length of it. We were literally in each others driveways now. I would pull into my parking spot and they would be sitting 12 feet away eating at their picnic table.

The for sale sign went up shortly after.

Enter the worst neighbors in history. "The Heinous family" (a take on their actual last name). Started okay, married couple, pregnant wife. We were friendly. My husband plowed them out in winter, helped them move some big rocks in their yard, dug a pond for them in the back.

The first issue to arise was their dogs. 2 big Chows that were not well trained. They needed sedation to be groomed or vet visits- and they refused to tie or fence them. My kids were young, and I had a 6 lb Pomeranian- this was not a good situation. To take my kids or dog out I would need to go out alone first and do a yard sweep to check for them. They would chase my cat right up to my front door. If they were outside, they'd take a challenging stance, glaring and growling. They would shit on our lawn and we'd all step in it. More than once my husband flung the poop up onto their back deck after finding it in our grass.

We tried to ask nicely- expressed our concerns. Nope, didn't care, we aren't tying up our dogs (assholes). Still, we stayed fairly friendly. I painted a gorgeous rocking chair when they had their baby and customized it with her name. They were going on a trip for 3 weeks and asked that we watch their house, which we did.

While they were gone I hatched a plan. The layout of our properties made it ingenious..We could start at the road, run a fence between our properties, but stay on our land so we weren't trespassing....behind us was a common land area owned by a cul-de-sac (who hated those Chows as well) so they gave us the okay to put the fence on their part, and so did the neighbor on the other side of these people. This might work.....

They returned from their trip to find their entire property fenced in. They were MAD- as this was a crappy farm style wire fence, but it did the job and those dogs couldn't get out on 3 sides (only if they ran to the front and came around it) This was perfect! I could be outside and be safe again! but they were irate, and it started a huge feud. I do acknowledge that this was the catalyst to the feud- but that's just tough shit as far as I am concerned. My family and their safety comes first and foremost, and if you threaten that, then you are my enemy, very simple.

They hated the fence, so lucky for us, they had a fence company come replace it with a nice one - a big tall stockade fence that nobody could see over- yes!! The only problem was the fence wasn't low enough, it didn't sit on the ground, it was up a bit, and the frigging dogs could get their faces under, and while doing some yard work one day- my husband got bit. Cops were called, an ER visit was had, and the first report was filed. A few days later Logan was playing and the dog's snout came under, teeth searching for a target. My husband went next door and said very calmly to them "If your dog bites my kid, I am not going to kill your dog, I am going to kill you." (yup, not really a smart thing to say...but I do think he meant it at that moment)

The next thing we noticed was water. Water was running under the fence, flooding our driveway. What the heck? We snooped a little and discovered they'd blocked their pond drain, allowing it to overflow and then made a little trough to funnel it under the fence. They did the same to their roof gutters, making a little channel aimed toward our yard. Dicks.

We had very little verbal exchange at this point. We tried to ignore them. Their dogs chased and bit a jogger, then the UPS man. I was scared of those dogs.

One day one dog got loose. I was in the driveway with my kids, and I looked over to see him glaring at us...I quickly ushered them in as a jogger ran by, and off this creep of a dog went after him- and WHAMMMM hit and run over by a car. The woman ran out, and so did I. I was more concerned for the poor lady who hit the dog, she was so upset. I assured her it wasn't her fault- but the neighbor was making her feel awful. The husband got the dog into their car, took him to the vet and he lived. Ugh.

Their dogs got sick- they accused us of poisoning them!! (this offended me sooo bad). I was scared for my own animals, especially our bull being out alone at night.

One night we were in our driveway, they on their deck which was up high enough that they could see over the fence, and the guy says to us "you might want to have your daughter change the password on her computer...cute kid you got there" (she was 13) I was HORRIFIED. The guy does computer security for a huge corporation that we all know. I started to feel panicky and paranoid.

The next thing we knew, my husband starting receiving credit cards. First a couple, then up to 100 a day- filling our mailbox. Wtf? They were all connected to crazy email addresses, variations of his name- but had his SS#. I had to freeze his credit.

One day I got a call from a realtor asking when we'd like to schedule the open house. "Excuse me?" I asked her.....yup..that fuckwad had put our house on the market. I could not believe this was happening.

We had police step in at that point. A file was opened and IP addresses were captured. We installed security cameras, and locked down all password protected electronics. Finally, after the police coming multiple times, and this guy not being able to spin the situation to his advantage, the for sale sign went up. YESSSSS!!!

Not so fast. The housing market had tanked, and they were in deep- over double what their original mortgage was (yup I checked). They were stuck They took more loans and renovated. Still sat not selling. His job moved him out of state and they were able to rent it out- and that is who is still there now- renters (and WE LOVE THEM).

So, take the facts, and make your own call. Did we drive them out? Maybe not technically....but they still own that house, and could return at any time.....stay tuned..


Our stone driveway, fence that divides our properties